TREACHEROUS SEAS

I woke up this morning (sounds like a B.B. King song) after one of my recurring #NAVY dreams...being back in the frozen arctic and north seas on an aging and creaking guided missile cruiser while escorting the Soviet NAVY back home at the end of the Cuban Missile crisis. The turbulent seas were tossing us around like a telephone pole at the Scottish highland games. Our two cats, Mork and Mindy decided that I deserved breakfast in bed as they presented me with their freshly caught Gecko du jour. What? No coffee?

A German soldier in occupied France had just "possessed" a French woman in the nicest of all possible ways. While pulling up his trousers, he said to her, "in nine months you vil haf a baby...you can call him Fritz if you like. She replied, (in the nicest of all possible ways) "in two weeks you vil have a rash...you can call it Measles if you like."

Wait; Wait...It Gets Better:

Our government: "of the people, for the people and by the people" has shut down. (Must be a rash! Or...a rash of closures) 

Let's Seeeeeeeeeeee.

Government...People....Of...For...By... I must be missing something. If the government has shut down, then one would logically conclude that we, the people must have been shut down. I don't know about you, but I don't feel shut down...all of my systems seem to be functioning properly...especially after my breakfast of Gecko Tartar. Maybe it's time for "the people" to demonstrate what a shutdown really looks like. How about a week long National Strike. Everybody take off at the same time...kind of like "The Blue Flu." (You can call it Measles if you like)

We the people, having formed a less than perfect union, do now declare that we are sick...sick and tired of those people whom we have elected to represent our best interests but, like a rash, they have buried themselves deep in our most intimate of places where neither elections, Vladimir Putin (on the Ritz) nor talcum powder can shake off these pesky varmints.  Like genetically modified proteins, they remain immune to the very legislation that they enact. How about genetically modified legislators? Maybe they already are?

What do you get when you put nine justices together in the same room? Certainly not a supreme court. First of all, it's a rubber room where every logical conclusion bounces around like free radicals at a gay pride parade. Or...Neutrons at a heterosexual meltdown. (Apologies for the double mixed metaphors.) Secondly, these nine justices are not your warm and fuzzy family portrait of grandma and grandpa sittin' on the front porch chawin' bakkee and teaching the grand kids the finer points of a good arm fart. No, they're more like The Housewives of New Jersey on steroids...Combative and dysfunctional.